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We went through the massage and small talk, and I made no money from that. Finally he fessed up, leaving the room and muttering, "Sorry we were so horrible to you in high school. The music, as she puts it, was "a cheesy massage calm-soothing-water CD" -- a spa soundtrack, with nary a porn riff in earshot. Amy Conclusion: This guy wants to fuck Sammy Sosa. Amy "I'm standing up for the little guy, and there's no littler guy than my penis. He has no idea what Nuru massage is! If the creepiness stayed on the Internet, it would be bearable.

There's a reason for that. Clients always want to hear a nice story about yourself so they can feel like they are doing a good deed. Still, props to the guy for his math skills. If you search for a video of a woman giving a man a massage, it's going to play out the same way 90 percent of the time: She slowly rubs down the client with oil, things steadily getting hotter until the pair are nothing but a tangle of naked, glistening limbs.